Step on the sidewalk these days, and you'll run smack into the new culture
of parenthood: strollers clog the sidewalks in Park Slope,
flared jeans and halter tops wink from the windows at Baby
Gap, and hipster parents teach their kids to rock out to
Bob Dylan and the Clash. Or take a trip into cyberspace,
where otherwise well-mannered women (and some men) stage
vitriolic child-rearing battles on urbanbaby.com.
And then there's the rampant "mommy
media." Pick up any magazine, and you'll find clear
instructions on the right (and, more often, wrong) ways
to raise your children. A recent New York magazine
cover story even discussed the deadly ramifications of …
praising your kids too much. (The latest issue spotlights
"The Hot-Mommy Cult.")
When she first became a mother, Amy Wilson,
author and star of the innovative, witty new solo show Mother
Load, was ideal prey for the glut of baby expertise.
She's a Yale graduate with a successful acting career, including
stints in TV, film, and on Broadway. With such demanding,
high-profile accomplishments under her belt, she reasoned,
how hard could parenting be? And so the educated high achiever
and self-described "perfectionist and control freak"
set out to master her newest task.
Only this was no ordinary assignment. Unlike
the pressures of college or the travails of forging an acting
career, "motherhood was the first thing I've taken
on where the standards are impossibly higher than anything
else," she says.
Amy Wilson (Photo by Sue Barr)
Overwhelmed
by the sheer volume of (often contradictory) information
available, she realized she was not enjoying parenting;
instead, she was merely "staggering through."
She quickly became frustrated and disgusted
by the high-pressure bubble of urban parenthood, where preschool
applications are often filled out before a baby's sex can
be determined and a snooty mother (the notorious "sanctimommy")
will snidely critique the ineptness of your child's inorganic
afternoon snack at the neighborhood park.
Nowadays, there's not only a right way to
be a mother, there's even a right way to be pregnant (think
Angelina Jolie, perfectly toned with a stylish "bump")
and a right way to give birth. And with titles like "The
Right Start," "One Step Ahead," and "Leaps
and Bounds," kids' catalogs immediately telegraph the
desperate need to make the "right" choices to
stay ahead of (and in) the game.
But, Wilson claims, "you can choose
to ignore it." It's certainly not easy, but in Mother
Load she skewers the cutthroat cult of competitive
parenting, blending sarcasm and humor to concoct a frank,
honest, "in the trenches" account of guerrilla
mommyhood, without perfection or apology.
To bring her colorful stories to life, Wilson
joined forces with longtime collaborator and childhood friend
Julie Kramer, who directed and developed the production.
The two theater artists—who previously collaborated
on Wilson's show A Cookie Full of Arsenic—first
presented Mother Load to a predominantly female
audience in their hometown of Scranton, Pa.
The show was a hit, even if the audience
couldn't directly relate to the pressures of urban parenting.
To build on their success, Wilson and Kramer decided to
bring the project to the big city, and they set off to further
polish and embellish the material for audiences in New York,
their adopted hometown.
Amy Wilson (Photo by Sue Barr)
Although the
show takes aim at the particular problems of mothers, Kramer
and Wilson also worked to make the themes more universal.
"So many of us can relate to the idea
of wanting to do the best possible job that you can do [with
anything]," Kramer says. "We all have so many
options and opportunities, which is great, but it can also
make us crazy."
Wilson agrees, recalling the reaction of
her husband's Wall Street co-workers, who instantly connected
with her hapless search for elusive perfection.
"This is a show about trying to listen
to your inner voice and understanding that you know yourself
and can trust yourself," Kramer adds. "You have
to accept that there's only so much you can do."
Both Wilson and Kramer cite the trend toward
having children at a later age as the reason for motherhood's
hyper-professionalization. Having children in your 30s means
you've had time to be out in the world pursuing life on
your own, Wilson points out. And if you've excelled in your
career, you're all the more determined to excel as a parent.
Rather
than soberly investigating its topic, Mother Load unearths
comedy from the drama of motherhood, according to Kramer,
and this distinguishes it from much that is written about
contemporary parenting. She also praises the show's dedicated
theatricality as an invaluable tool for both communicating
and connecting with audiences—Wilson plays various
characters and uses her children's toys as props, creating
an adult playground that nudges audiences toward whimsical
exploration.
But playful props aside, this is theater
with a purpose, and Wilson wants mothers to learn to relax
and dismiss the critical voices that threaten to overwhelm
them. She personally tries to live by a yogi master's mantra,
"Be here now." But she knows it isn't easy.
The show, she says, has helped her learn
to enjoy being a mom without constantly berating herself.
It's a daily battle, of course, but well worth fighting.
Now the mother of two young sons (2 and 4) with another
baby on the way, she finds that focusing on the task immediately
at hand is a good beginning.
"When I sit down to read stories to
my kids and don't worry about my Treo, sit-ups, or the perfect
healthy dinner, all of the other stuff goes out the window,"
she says.
Wilson has also created an interactive forum
on her Web site, www.motherloadshow.com, where she encourages
other mothers to share their stories.
"Women who are mothers often do not
feel community on a daily basis," says Kramer. "Motherhood
is something that is expected, but not admired or valued."
Fittingly, Wilson describes the audience's
reaction as "the laughter of recognition."
"It's cathartic," she says. "People
will be laughing, but the mothers will be howling!"
Mother Load runs from April
21 - June 16 at the Sage Theater. For tickets, call 212-279-4200.
Visit http://www.motherloadshow.com
for more information, including video clips from the
show and an interactive forum.